Don't make out with my wife yet
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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