I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
