Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
