This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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