It's a beautiful day for a hangover
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
