You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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