everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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