plz talk dirty to me
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
