I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
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