And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
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I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
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I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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