YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
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He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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