I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
