What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
