omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
