Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
