So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
