Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
