At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
this must be what syphilis tastes like
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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