I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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