Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
