she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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