I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
