I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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