remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
