i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
