you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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