apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
