I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
