dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
