brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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