remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
