Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades