Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?