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he wants to bone in the snuggie
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
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