i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
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she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
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It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here