Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
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Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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