Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
