Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
