Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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