Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
