Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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