Kiss
Puke
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i think i scared a bird with my dick
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
