He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
