I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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