Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
