I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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