Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
