ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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