My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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