You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
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You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
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I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I love you.
Bad choice
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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