What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
