I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
