Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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