woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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