Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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