I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
