hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
