it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
