From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
