I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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