Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I wear drunk well.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
