Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just had sex on a roof
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
