I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
