Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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