um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
