is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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