Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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