If that was your dad, he is hot
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
