I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
