Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
