so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
