i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
